Why didn’t anyone tell me I was fat? “How could we?” was something I was told when I asked that very question. How could they, I would not have taken it well, but it is something I believe that I needed to be made aware of, so of course I am blaming everyone else. Not really, I blame myself, but I would love to make it someone else’s fault who wouldn’t?
I was 48 years old when I realized I was fat. I went to Dr. Bo to quit smoking, he was going to give me the magic pill to make it easier, I had done another magic pill, 5 years prior, and it worked really well, but then life came along and I went back and had to start from square one which meant, a visit to the fine doctor. While I was in his office I voiced my concerns about gaining weight while on the pill and he said right to my face, “Lets deal with the smoking first and we can deal with your weight next” What? I was shocked that he said that, I was perfectly happy with my weight. I was wearing size 14, which was the new 10 and I didn’t think I needed to change a thing….until I got on the scale in January 2012.
I decided to take the plunge and just see what I was up against, I am 5’4” so when I saw I weighed in at a whopping 189 pounds I almost threw up right there on the scale. That is when I started asking people I love how they let me get so big. There are people that love me in my life that do not care at all what I weigh, why do I obsess over it so? My husband has never cared about things like that, my kids I guess never noticed but I would have thought my friends would have chimed in about it, but they were kind and didn’t say a word, they were not stupid. Thus began my journey into Weight Watcher (WW) and three months later I was down almost 30 pounds.
Jump to January 2013, I am 50 now and I had gained back 17 pounds, this is when I realized I was a stress eater. My daughter got engaged, I had to move, in only 10 days mind you, and I would drink and eat the stress away. I knew I had to get myself in shape for the wedding that was happening in November, so I worked out and instead of using WW, I used a app on my phone called Lose It! I drove my friend crazy scanning everything I ate and I worked out like a demon, by the time the wedding rolled up on me, I was down the 17+ pounds and I was a very nice looking MOB for the wedding.
I am 52 now and the pounds are back, not all 30, but a lot of them. I am afraid to get on the scale, I don’t want to go back to the weekly weigh ins until I lose the weight I want, but I know to be successful I am going to have too. The constant logging, working out every day, weigh ins tend to make you crazy at this age. Especially when you have eaten so well, workout every single day and you get on the scale on your weigh day and not even an ounce has been lost. You start making deals with yourself, I haven’t pooped today, that must it, or I had to much salt last night, that is why I didn’t lose anything this week, it’s a pain!
I am hoping this blog will help me stay on track with my ups and downs. I know there are others out there just like me, people who are working really hard to try and get back to that magical weight that will make them happy. One thing I have learned in the last 30 years or so is that your ideal weight changes as you age. When I weighed 150 pound I was appalled at myself, thought I was huge, now I would give anything to be down to that weight. Aging sucks, it is really hard on your body and mind. I need my body and mind to be on the same page, then I can be happy.
Until next time!